Thinking of a name, who that name represents, just doesn't radiate the same impact as hearing said persons name in conversation.
Flashbacks occur.
Nostalgia encapsulates the mind.
It feels like a trailer from a movie, specific scenes on playback, the ability to pause, rewind, fast forward, play.
It's all too much to bear.
My mind. It implodes.
The idea that one of my favorite television series' is starting again only brings forth memories.
Ever found life to be such a paradox. It's beautiful yet cruel, is brings happiness and inflicts pain all at once.
Yet I stand firm in the belief what I've done is for the greater good of the bigger picture. It's for educating the self and learning what is it I'm still missing, what I've lacked to complete myself.
The pavements are barely beginning to be paved and with each step forward, I know I'll finally reach the end but the end is a end within itself, it's not an end that's tangible. It's perennial.
Is this my salvation?
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Quest
When one finally begins to embark on the journey of self teaching it's a refreshing feeling.
It's a strange quest, this.
A life long quest that hopefully will last till my final breathe.
This positivity, this surge in interest in everything and nothing, in an object and a subject.
In objectivity and subjectivity.
Viewing concepts and such from an exterior perspective, it's ravishing.
I can't help but wonder, all these wasted years of narrow-mindedness thinking my mind was "open" enough; how mistaken I was!
Just listening, reading, looking at things, zoning out into space, silence. Gosh silence.
What a change that has brought into life.
Silence in the mind, echoes in the mind, music on the out and in the in.
This state, it's ineffable.
You kind of just want to become a sponge and absorb as much as you can.
Then you think and you realize you no longer care what other people think (well not for trivial things as least) and everything just becomes to crystal clear. It's amazing.
This slow but occurring transformation.
I love this.
The time to truly learn about the self and the universe, the world, the good, the bad, how they're all entangled but how there's beauty. Beauty is subjective. Beauty which is aesthetic in nature only if it is pure.
Only if it is free, only if there's no sort of higher end to it. Just beauty as its purest.
Rambling on and on but who cares right, it's my blog, traffic is basically zilch what with the lack of updates but again, who cares :D
Brilliance.
Solitude.
Atmosphere.
Oh life. Thank you.
The silver lining is beginning to show and I don't regret the past one bit.
Take decisions in stride and make the most out of the present so the future can shine as brightly as it so wishes.
So that the future can illuminate the world, my world, and give the self a sense of satisfaction that only comes perennial learning and education!
Splendid this night.
No pondering on the sleepless nights if there are, on the questions that will plague the mind, all this traffic in the mind, so welcomed. Perhaps I don't know what I'm getting myself into, delving into the unknown, into the sea of Why and How but that's the best part, not knowing what you may find and knowing that whatever is found only adds to the experience, to the journey.
I may be stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea but I wouldn't have it any other way! For once, I'm happy. Truly happy to the core.
Oh why am I writing this. Haha. Thoughts. (: (: (:
It's a strange quest, this.
A life long quest that hopefully will last till my final breathe.
This positivity, this surge in interest in everything and nothing, in an object and a subject.
In objectivity and subjectivity.
Viewing concepts and such from an exterior perspective, it's ravishing.
I can't help but wonder, all these wasted years of narrow-mindedness thinking my mind was "open" enough; how mistaken I was!
Just listening, reading, looking at things, zoning out into space, silence. Gosh silence.
What a change that has brought into life.
Silence in the mind, echoes in the mind, music on the out and in the in.
This state, it's ineffable.
You kind of just want to become a sponge and absorb as much as you can.
Then you think and you realize you no longer care what other people think (well not for trivial things as least) and everything just becomes to crystal clear. It's amazing.
This slow but occurring transformation.
I love this.
The time to truly learn about the self and the universe, the world, the good, the bad, how they're all entangled but how there's beauty. Beauty is subjective. Beauty which is aesthetic in nature only if it is pure.
Only if it is free, only if there's no sort of higher end to it. Just beauty as its purest.
Rambling on and on but who cares right, it's my blog, traffic is basically zilch what with the lack of updates but again, who cares :D
Brilliance.
Solitude.
Atmosphere.
Oh life. Thank you.
The silver lining is beginning to show and I don't regret the past one bit.
Take decisions in stride and make the most out of the present so the future can shine as brightly as it so wishes.
So that the future can illuminate the world, my world, and give the self a sense of satisfaction that only comes perennial learning and education!
Splendid this night.
No pondering on the sleepless nights if there are, on the questions that will plague the mind, all this traffic in the mind, so welcomed. Perhaps I don't know what I'm getting myself into, delving into the unknown, into the sea of Why and How but that's the best part, not knowing what you may find and knowing that whatever is found only adds to the experience, to the journey.
I may be stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea but I wouldn't have it any other way! For once, I'm happy. Truly happy to the core.
Oh why am I writing this. Haha. Thoughts. (: (: (:
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Time?
It's a little strange feeling, this. This what? This feeling.
Freedom. Free from a cage.
But the cage wasn't all too bad. It definitely without a single doubt in mind had its good days.
Opening up a blog and reading about food, it makes me feel nostalgic with this cage of mine.
It reminds me of happier times, fun times, times of less sadness and times of love.
It's unfortunate that the cage unhinged in such a way, I hope it can be repaired in due time therefore, only time will tell.
Will the cage rust? Will it remain shiny and clean? Will it grow moss and mold or will its doors one days again be mended and free to open and close under understood terms?
The circumstance will change but what transpired within that cage will forever be embedded in memory.
The birds in that cage were once one and now two. But that doesn't stop one from missing the other or pondering on the thought of how and or what the other might be doing at this very moment.
Birds.
They are beautiful and majestic creatures, they are.
If only migration didn't just occur over a season or when disaster stroke.
Maybe these birds could've been.
...
..
.
But in the end, as the chapter closes with a blank page waiting to be filled when the time is right, maybe both birds can live together again, in the same space, at the same time, in the same sphere we know to be called the universe.
Birds of different colors, friendship, the color yellow.
Oh how the windchimes sprout a melody with the spontaneous but welcomed breeze.
Freedom. Free from a cage.
But the cage wasn't all too bad. It definitely without a single doubt in mind had its good days.
Opening up a blog and reading about food, it makes me feel nostalgic with this cage of mine.
It reminds me of happier times, fun times, times of less sadness and times of love.
It's unfortunate that the cage unhinged in such a way, I hope it can be repaired in due time therefore, only time will tell.
Will the cage rust? Will it remain shiny and clean? Will it grow moss and mold or will its doors one days again be mended and free to open and close under understood terms?
The circumstance will change but what transpired within that cage will forever be embedded in memory.
The birds in that cage were once one and now two. But that doesn't stop one from missing the other or pondering on the thought of how and or what the other might be doing at this very moment.
Birds.
They are beautiful and majestic creatures, they are.
If only migration didn't just occur over a season or when disaster stroke.
Maybe these birds could've been.
...
..
.
But in the end, as the chapter closes with a blank page waiting to be filled when the time is right, maybe both birds can live together again, in the same space, at the same time, in the same sphere we know to be called the universe.
Birds of different colors, friendship, the color yellow.
Oh how the windchimes sprout a melody with the spontaneous but welcomed breeze.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Fragmented Thoughts
I find myself lost. More often than not, I dislike this feeling. Today, for the very first time listening to music didn't do me justice. Normally, music evokes a certain sensation, one that is able to encompass all negativity and sadness and replace it with positivity and happy vibes. This was not the case.
So often we overlook what is right in front of us, what we have and somehow it is never enough. I hate knowing the verse "You never know what you've got till it's gone". Fact is, you will never appreciate what you have till it's gone and that's the problem isn't it?
We are in a comfortable zone in our lives. Always having food to eat, clothes to wear, money to spend, things to buy but we somehow always just feel unsatisfied. This quite worries me because I feel like I am part of that statistic. I don't want to be but I am voluntarily allowing myself to be ignorant. Ignorance is not bliss. The phrase is exactly what is is, just a phrase. It is not words put into action.
It's strange how sometimes I feel like I'm the one giving up on myself. Like I don't strive for more but really, I think I'm pretty remarkable. This is not to boast but I can't say I'm completely dissatisfied with myself. Sure I haven't done certain things but these things aren't necessary; or are they?
Usually I am torn yet I am not. It's as if my mind is unable to figure out if I need a certain experience or if I don't. I over think all the time, spend more time thinking than doing something and sometimes talking more than doing or doing without thinking which inevitably leads to disastrous consequences.
I feel like I'm ranting now. Actually I am. See, takes a while to figure what I want. Usually I'd decide on the very last minute even if I planned whatever it was forever ago. I wonder if there's a particular place in the world for fickled minded people like me or perhaps everyone is like this but extremely good at covering it up. Research Question anyone?
Feeling asinine about throwing a fit or crying then later realizing it was perfectly normal and necessary. It's like I don't know if I'm tricking myself into thinking it's acceptable or not. Though, really acceptability should rest solely on shoulders of ones own rather than what society deems adequate, no?
Life startles me. It presents me with an opportunity but then I realize (soon) that this opportunity comes with a price. Life then presents me with a more captivating opportunity to which I seize of course with my better half (boyfriend) in mind as well. Although one can't help but wonder if life is trying to tear us apart or build a stronger relationship. I would like to think it is the latter but sometimes the world just seems to shift is opposite directions and I'm left pondering the horrible thought of separation.
It's frustrating. When you know and want someone so badly but life makes you wait. You wait, yes. Wait wait wait, wait longer, keep waiting, waiting to find out what's at the end of the line. If it's a knot and we're both hanging from it, holding on for dear life, the two of us or... I don't want to think about an or. I would like to say anywhere is better as long as I'm with you but really I need to know more about how we would be together to say those words with conviction and confidence. Boasting to life, HAH, look, we made it. Despite all your efforts, we did it. We're together, stronger than ever.
This has turned into something else. Strange post.
Diverging back, do you ever wonder what life would be if you lived in a parallel universe? What different choices you might have made that lead to alternative lives. If say you didn't stop binge eating, you worked harder and all that, how would you be now?
At times I really just wish there was a God that could be seen and not just based on hope and faith. I just want so badly to surrender my all and give Him my worries, fears and all that unhappiness in exchange for a bright sunny day, a nice and dry park, maybe some apples, a bottle of Moscato, my family and boyfriend, some music and good food. A perfect day to think about nothing and just to enjoy life.
The irony and beauty of what life could be in the future. How I wish upon the stars.
So often we overlook what is right in front of us, what we have and somehow it is never enough. I hate knowing the verse "You never know what you've got till it's gone". Fact is, you will never appreciate what you have till it's gone and that's the problem isn't it?
We are in a comfortable zone in our lives. Always having food to eat, clothes to wear, money to spend, things to buy but we somehow always just feel unsatisfied. This quite worries me because I feel like I am part of that statistic. I don't want to be but I am voluntarily allowing myself to be ignorant. Ignorance is not bliss. The phrase is exactly what is is, just a phrase. It is not words put into action.
It's strange how sometimes I feel like I'm the one giving up on myself. Like I don't strive for more but really, I think I'm pretty remarkable. This is not to boast but I can't say I'm completely dissatisfied with myself. Sure I haven't done certain things but these things aren't necessary; or are they?
Usually I am torn yet I am not. It's as if my mind is unable to figure out if I need a certain experience or if I don't. I over think all the time, spend more time thinking than doing something and sometimes talking more than doing or doing without thinking which inevitably leads to disastrous consequences.
I feel like I'm ranting now. Actually I am. See, takes a while to figure what I want. Usually I'd decide on the very last minute even if I planned whatever it was forever ago. I wonder if there's a particular place in the world for fickled minded people like me or perhaps everyone is like this but extremely good at covering it up. Research Question anyone?
Feeling asinine about throwing a fit or crying then later realizing it was perfectly normal and necessary. It's like I don't know if I'm tricking myself into thinking it's acceptable or not. Though, really acceptability should rest solely on shoulders of ones own rather than what society deems adequate, no?
Life startles me. It presents me with an opportunity but then I realize (soon) that this opportunity comes with a price. Life then presents me with a more captivating opportunity to which I seize of course with my better half (boyfriend) in mind as well. Although one can't help but wonder if life is trying to tear us apart or build a stronger relationship. I would like to think it is the latter but sometimes the world just seems to shift is opposite directions and I'm left pondering the horrible thought of separation.
It's frustrating. When you know and want someone so badly but life makes you wait. You wait, yes. Wait wait wait, wait longer, keep waiting, waiting to find out what's at the end of the line. If it's a knot and we're both hanging from it, holding on for dear life, the two of us or... I don't want to think about an or. I would like to say anywhere is better as long as I'm with you but really I need to know more about how we would be together to say those words with conviction and confidence. Boasting to life, HAH, look, we made it. Despite all your efforts, we did it. We're together, stronger than ever.
This has turned into something else. Strange post.
Diverging back, do you ever wonder what life would be if you lived in a parallel universe? What different choices you might have made that lead to alternative lives. If say you didn't stop binge eating, you worked harder and all that, how would you be now?
At times I really just wish there was a God that could be seen and not just based on hope and faith. I just want so badly to surrender my all and give Him my worries, fears and all that unhappiness in exchange for a bright sunny day, a nice and dry park, maybe some apples, a bottle of Moscato, my family and boyfriend, some music and good food. A perfect day to think about nothing and just to enjoy life.
The irony and beauty of what life could be in the future. How I wish upon the stars.
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