Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Distant universes, paralleled lives, split outcomes

I woke up and saw you staring down at me with a funny face. That cute adorable expression that only a little 5 year old would have, as I looked at you and you at me, you smiled and I knew it would be a good day. As I turned to look out of the window, the sweet melody that came from singing birds brightened my morning, the wind blew, trees swayed and the sky was clear. 

As my shoulders leveled and my head swerved in search for you, you and that smile were no where to be found. Tip-toe-ing out of bed I peered past the curtains that separated the bedroom from the hall which hung high on the ceiling and lifted effortlessly. There you sat, by the round table, next to Toby, our cat.

See Toby had a mysterious character, he came and went as he pleased, we shared our food and our bed but Toby will always be Toby, seeking out adventure in the dead of night, meeting up with alley cats playing some jazz, who knew a cats life but a cat really. All I could do was watch this magnificent creature stride with ease and confidence towards me as I laid my hand on his soft fur to pet his furry head.

"What a character Toby, just like that of the lion in the Lion King movie, gracing us with his presence, almost like a king capturing all attention of his subjects," you said.

I couldn't agree more. He resembled Mufasa in his mannerism yet had this demure to him that left us wondering what in life he could be experiencing.

You gave me a kiss, one that was quick yet lasting. One filled with love and nothing but love.. and the day began. A shoebox in the attic was brought down, its color a murky brown having lasted through the test of time, it had been years since you first started compiling it but it was my first time seeing its contents you had held so dearly. I was enticed.

A thick layer of dust coated the top cover, we opened it slowly, with precaution and care. Pictures, papers, pins and collections of your treasured things laid before me and one by one you took them out whilst patiently explaining what each and every item had meant to you, its significance. You watched me as I soaked in your past times that which you were sharing. At that moment, a sense of acceptance had rushed through me, feeling blessed to be the person you trusted to jump back through time with whilst opening the gates allowing me into your memories to be relived with you. We reached the end when no stone was left unturned and all elements that made the box so important had been relived and retold.

By then, the evening was upon us and so we kept these life pieces and went outside. An enormous aquarium stood before us filled to the brim with numerous exotic fishes, turtles and the like, the evening was the present but the day was still young, time was afterall but a construction was it not? Donning silly looking suits that only added to the characteristic of this quirky couple we were, we dove into the water and you held my hand as we swam past the fishes.

We lost track of time but night had come. A hot shower awaited us. We undressed each other when you held me by my waist and carressed the small of my back, pulled me in closer and gave me a peck on my cheek, your breath leaving me warm. Our eyes met and I delved so deep into those brown eyes, my affection for you multiplied infinitely as I allowed you to swiftly take me away into the steam where we got lost in each other.

Jazz music played followed by the Blues. We sat by the fireplace on the springy but yet comfortable couch with a cup of hot chocolate and a wool blanket making funny faces, laughing and chatting away at all idiosyncrocies of people we had seen on the street the day before. Talking all night we did until we fell asleep in each others arms.

Just a day. It only took a day for me to fall for you and I fell for you time and time again. And as the sounds of trains on the railways grew louder and louder in my head, with each wall trembling, the bed shaking, I slowly regained consciousness and awoke to the realization that I was indeed, lost. Paradise was but in the constraints of my mind and you, you my dear soul, ceased to exist in reality though forever remaining etched in memory.

A mystery unsolved, a lifetime behind a door with no key, each dream seen through a tiny keyhole leaving me longing for more, always just out of reach...

Friday, May 10, 2013


They're everywhere.

I should be writing my essay, reading up on necessary texts, making sure I hand in work that I'd be proud to be graded on but I keep getting sidetracked and I'm sure you do too.

Sometimes I wonder why we let ourselves be locked into this system, these institutions, this process that churns out graduates on an annual basis. What if we were given the freedom to pursue whatever we wanted since the dawn of time and never looked back? Do you think society might be just a little bit better than it is now? Maybe a little bit greater than how we are now?

Emotions, they sneak up on you.

So many feelings and ideas, flashbacks go through my mind on a daily basis. It sometimes stirs up emotions I'd rather not deal with at that moment but it happens hey. What can we do? Meditate? Learn to control them or just allow them to take over knowing you'll somehow come out stronger than before?

It's a mixture. Music, numb feet, tired eyes, weight on our shoulders, yeah.

And Bill Withers - Lean on Me plays on in the background...