Hope?

It's the one thing that keeps us alive. Seasons may change, we must weather the storms, circumstances make life tough but we'll brave through it, all of us will because all of us have the ability to do so, the capacity to propel ourselves forward in spite of difficulty coming our way.

The goal is far from achieved, it is approximately 705 days away but it will materialize because we can overcome, we will conquer and at this time, in 2 years, we'll be there celebrating this remarkable feat.

Retribution

Many times I turn to retribution as the reason to retaliate, to strike back, to give the person what it is they gave me, an eye for an eye. But then, there's a saying that goes something like, An Eye For An Eye Turns The Whole World Blind.

Now, venting may be one way of release but another way I've found in me is one that requires more strength and patience. People who treat you poorly will get what comes to them, after all, what goes around comes around yes?

Do good and good will come back to you. Karma.

Encountering people who refuse to help, who refuse to be the bigger person allow me to become the bigger person myself. To see and realize that their ways aren't the ways I intend to follow.

The ways I intend to follow are those based on my personal conscience. Those that hopefully will not be influenced by what others do but what I know to be right, in spite of this road being one that may face more hardships and challenges.

Some may say I'm a fool. Why take the hard road when you can just as easily get from Point A to Point B using an easier route, albeit one that may require you to compromise on several personal values.

Well, see, I aspire to one day become someone who is not just known for any reputation but one that is held in respect where others would like to aspire to be, or to become. I'm done sitting in the passengers seat, I'm taking charge and trying not to use excuses as "reasons" for failure or an inability to let go.

As one door closes, another opens. No matter where that door may lead, all I can do to assure myself is by having the knowledge that at least I'll be moving forward. Gone are the days where I will backtrack, maybe delve into the past every now and then, memories can serve well to reinstill happiness for the dark times but other than that, let's go life! I'M READY!

2013! The world won't end, it will merely (with much hope) be the closing of the war chapter and the superpowers dictatorship over Asia whilst a beam of light will come through allowing the path of Enlightenment to be seen, and, to be seen by many. (:

Peace. It's a time for it. Discrimination will still be around but let's hope the world can change. In the end, faith is all we have to keep the world revolving, really.

Personal outlook that is. (=

Living

And it becomes clearer day by day the things that matter and those that don't. The people who do and the people who don't. The experiences worth living for and the ones just not worth your time.

In moments like these there's a slow and steady, calm and still feeling that's just hard to explain. Tah.. what am I saying.

This constriction. Sentences. How they've got to make sense and all that. Driving me nuts at this hour. Will need to be up in a little over 3 hours, I'm seriously contemplating not sleeping. What good is sleeping if the sleep is not a peaceful one. If it isn't one that allows my mind to drift into another world and to have an out-of-body experience.

Lots of calculations were done today. Calculations for the future. Plans even. Some say don't plan and allow life to surprise you but I think one isn't able to just not plan at all, instead, plan some and leave the rest to the strange divine being that works his/her magic.

Projections. Good and bad.

Not exactly sure of what I'm getting at, if I'm even getting at anything. But oh well, nightly or rather dawn-ly thoughts are all part of living.

At the very least, my brain and body are functioning, that's got to count for something. :)

Till further ramblings! Ha!

Peace

Part of it is being accomplished, step by step, brick by brick, a path has began to be paved. The other half hasn't even begun. Lying to myself saying I've made complete peace with myself would be a lie. A big one.

Often conflicted. Attempting to look at more than two angles and at issues without a box is a tedious job.

But you know what, that's the great thing about life. We're always learning, always doing something new and if we aren't, we need to start. I've started and I'm loving the change.

A positive one at that. Slow in process but nurtured well along with sufficient time and effort spent will eventually reap its benefits. Not just for the individual but hopefully, for a community. 

Progression. Precession. Such beauty in those words, in what they represent and for what they can manifest into.

Wonderful. (:

Echoes of the Mind

Dedication of life to education fosters change within. As time passes, wisdom attained seeps into the cracks of the soul gradually manifesting into something worthwhile and beautiful. Embrace, these bits of fortune that have been nurtured over time with knowledge of its fragility and watch as the worlds secrets unfold as you learn the truth that you seek.

Young Folks

Self reflection. Today was a day for it.

Do you ever feel like you're going through life as a routine? You know what Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday will bring. Yet, you don't. Life surprises you often in ways unpredictable and more often than not, those surprises are the causes for our evolution.

This state of change, it's a gradual process, keeping the essence of the self yet finding ways to complete oneself. Not through having a companion, a spouse, a partner but first just being complete, happy, comfortable and at one with the self.

It's no easy feat. We live in such a mediated and digitalized world. We rely on all these external, excessive stimulants to "complete" us. Gadgets, cars, clothes, all these materialistic items, their meanings are only as valuable as those you place upon them.

Today, I sat at a coffee shop, read my book and occasionally I would glance up and look towards the busy traffic passing me by. Women proudly donning their Louis Vuitton totes, Burberry Handbags, Balenciagas, Coach and the likes just wearing it as if it were part of their persona. Status mattered to these people but what did they make of it? Are they changing the world? Perhaps some are, who am I to judge but yet I couldn't help but wonder.. Why is society fueling the greed of corporations. Why aren't they doing more than they can with themselves? We are humans, we are engineered differently for a reason. We each have our purpose.

Consumerism. In this day and age, just seems so incredibly overdone. Multi-national corporations know us better than we know ourselves! They know what we like, which age group spends the most, what we spend on, how we think. Doesn't this scare you? Not even just a little bit?

Our lives are being manufactured, they're being constructed for us without our conscious knowledge.

I'm not claiming to see all the imperfections in society but just something about how so many seem centralized on the idea that money is everything. It isn't. Experience, exposure, these involvements can't be bought with money. Money cannot buy time. Money cannot buy knowledge. Of course one can pursue a higher education which yes, money can buy but what education is it buying? A linear deterministic one? One that doesn't allow for detours and only claims that one route is the way to success?

Where are we today as a community? Why are we so critical of what others do? Why is culture standing in the way of people broadening their mind. Are we so hardened and frightened by the unknown that we'd rather live in a bubble, in oblivion, in ignorance? Cowardly shying away from anything that seems new or having an alternate perspective.

We are Young Folks, we should seize opportunities and if they don't come by, we should make them. This generation already has such a dystopian outlook on the future, Europe is crumbling, America is about to decide on their next President who will either make or break them given their massive amount of debt, Asia's growth is beginning to slow down and will eventually stagnate. What's the use of having Youth if we do not do something worthwhile with it for the future.

How will you live your journey?

Processes

Thoughts they come and go, evaporate and reappear, fly out a window and into the wind then comes an unexpected breeze and the memories come flooding in like tidal waves crashing onto the shore. Life seems to be working in stop motion for me. One moment caught in a flash, happiness spread across my face, another moment and sadness clearly encompasses me, unable to evade. Surroundings darkened, a shade of dark grey, too close to black and true sorrow emits throughout the air of this photograph.

Songs, music, lyrics, tones.. make more sense when emotions are in play. They force you to perceive differently the meaning of a particular track. No longer just the surface but in-depth analyzing and application to ones life situation. It's a terrible fate, having to suffer through this but.. is this suffering not self induced? How then can it be fate?

Is it not personal choice of music that reflects a current mood? A longing for nostalgia. Reminiscence.
Poor choices = poor results; then again, aren't poor choices necessary to be made so one may learn from the mistake?

Encroachment of the mind that has already reached its maximum capacity. What will need to be discarded, if only I knew myself.

Delightfully Lost

William Shakespeare.
Lewis Carroll.

Poems.

Beauty in words, words of meaning, meanings of life.

The yearning for change; but, what is change if it is ever occurring and therefore all encompassing?

Past, Present, Future.
Time.

Why do we subject ourselves to this confinement.

Questions. Endless. Truths, distorted. Real? What's that?

...

Compassion. Kindness.
Traits we should aspire to live life by.

Encouragement. Love...
should dictate how we want to interact with others.

Not hate. Not fear. Not cold-heartedness my dear.
Let fate, Let's steer, Let's understand the queer.

Walk It Off

We do the things we must to get to the places we can be in hopes that it is the same place we need to be. 

Sacrifices must be made.
Sacrifices come with a price.
That price is pain.
We hurt.
But we must endure.

Sometimes I do things out of haste, other times I do things after much thought. Often my decisions stem from these two extremes.

Part of me wishes I knew what the future has installed but the other half hopes that no one will ever come up with a time machine device just because the future is a surprise and presents like that shouldn't be ruined.

Yet. There's a small part within me that wishes to be reassured that everything will eventually work its way out.

Thoughts swim through my mind like fishes in the sea searching for direction away from a predator. If only I could have a better way of expressing this feeling. It's omnipresent and nowhere at the same time.

It's confusion and understanding?

Strength. What does strength even mean?
Is it a physical feature of mankind? It is mental? Spiritual?
All of the above?

Strength is something so many people seek for. Many mistake it for power. It is not.
Some say it's brute force. Perhaps within certain context it could be but what else?
Strength, resilience. The mind. Stoicism?

The entire point of this post is actually coming to terms.

Dealing with emotions, pain, joy, sadness all these want to overwhelm me but I will hold on to my strength, to my will, if in this way they may be one and the same.

I miss you. I keep thinking back to better times. Thoughts course through my brain like never-ending wavelengths of memories.

I must resist. It is the only way. Situate the self within an emporium of positivity.
Personal, individualistic Growth.

That's something worth fighting for.
There are bigger battles in life to fight.. however, it all starts with the self.
And the self shall be on its journey to find first its center and later on who knows?

It's a surprise.

Cereals.

This post is labelled cereals simply because I'm eating a bowl of cereal right now. On this same exact space however was a trail of words that were strung together with the intention of being published as a blogpost but then that got deleted by dare I say, impulse? Or perhaps this act was through the brain doing quick leaps within itself and reasoning that perhaps it wasn't the best written piece of work. Ahh. The inner workings of connections and thought.

So, anyway, as I was writing, this thought popped into my mind, "Perhaps if we listened with the intention of understanding and not the intention of responding, the world might be a happier place to live in."

This is true, I firmly believe. Although, a question to raise would be, How many of us really realize this and do something about it to help make ourselves and the people around us better individuals?

As the world continues to rotate on its axis, it is simultaneously corroding, decaying, rotting..etc. and we, the humans who inhabit this planet called Earth, are the ones responsible for this mess.

Global Warming.
Globalization.
Climate Changes.
Wars.
Poverty.
Famine.

Doesn't it occur to you that all these problems are brought forth by none other than ourselves? We are all but pawns in this huge game of Earth Deterioration, if a label must be placed.

Slight detour to this other thought.

Why are people so rude? And, why are they cold?

I can't fathom these behaviours and at times I wish I could just so I could begin to understand them better. There is so much to learn about the world, people and the likes; why waste this precious time on Earth being conflicted and holding grudges. Is that sort of hate necessary? Why is there difficulty in forgiveness? Do these people think that forgiveness equates to loss? It's not a battlefield, it's a middle ground. It's a place for truce, not for war.

Why have such a downright shitty attitude towards others when there is a choice to be a better person. Do people not want to strive for things that matter or is that again my biased, subjective outlook? Aren't certain ideas and reactions, heck interactions, universal? Would people rather have mental blocks rather than face it with all their might and courage to push past a barrier and move forward in this process known as progression?

Humans, how elusive we are. How much we've got to learn. How arrogant we are. How fragile we must be.

Nostalgia

Thinking of a name, who that name represents, just doesn't radiate the same impact as hearing said persons name in conversation.

Flashbacks occur.

Nostalgia encapsulates the mind.

It feels like a trailer from a movie, specific scenes on playback, the ability to pause, rewind, fast forward, play.

It's all too much to bear.

My mind. It implodes.

The idea that one of my favorite television series' is starting again only brings forth memories.

Ever found life to be such a paradox. It's beautiful yet cruel, is brings happiness and inflicts pain all at once.

Yet I stand firm in the belief what I've done is for the greater good of the bigger picture. It's for educating the self and learning what is it I'm still missing, what I've lacked to complete myself.

The pavements are barely beginning to be paved and with each step forward, I know I'll finally reach the end but the end is a end within itself, it's not an end that's tangible. It's perennial. 

Is this my salvation?

Quest

When one finally begins to embark on the journey of self teaching it's a refreshing feeling.

It's a strange quest, this.

A life long quest that hopefully will last till my final breathe.

This positivity, this surge in interest in everything and nothing, in an object and a subject.

In objectivity and subjectivity.

Viewing concepts and such from an exterior perspective, it's ravishing.

I can't help but wonder, all these wasted years of narrow-mindedness thinking my mind was "open" enough; how mistaken I was!

Just listening, reading, looking at things, zoning out into space, silence. Gosh silence.

What a change that has brought into life.

Silence in the mind, echoes in the mind, music on the out and in the in.

This state, it's ineffable.

You kind of just want to become a sponge and absorb as much as you can.

Then you think and you realize you no longer care what other people think (well not for trivial things as least) and everything just becomes to crystal clear. It's amazing.

This slow but occurring transformation.

I love this.

The time to truly learn about the self and the universe, the world, the good, the bad, how they're all entangled but how there's beauty. Beauty is subjective. Beauty which is aesthetic in nature only if it is pure.

Only if it is free, only if there's no sort of higher end to it. Just beauty as its purest.

Rambling on and on but who cares right, it's my blog, traffic is basically zilch what with the lack of updates but again, who cares :D

Brilliance.

Solitude.

Atmosphere.

Oh life. Thank you.

The silver lining is beginning to show and I don't regret the past one bit.

Take decisions in stride and make the most out of the present so the future can shine as brightly as it so wishes.

So that the future can illuminate the world, my world, and give the self a sense of satisfaction that only comes perennial learning and education! 

Splendid this night.

No pondering on the sleepless nights if there are, on the questions that will plague the mind, all this traffic in the mind, so welcomed. Perhaps I don't know what I'm getting myself into, delving into the unknown, into the sea of Why and How but that's the best part, not knowing what you may find and knowing that whatever is found only adds to the experience, to the journey.

I may be stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea but I wouldn't have it any other way! For once, I'm happy. Truly happy to the core.

Oh why am I writing this. Haha. Thoughts. (: (: (:

Time?

It's a little strange feeling, this. This what? This feeling.

Freedom. Free from a cage.

But the cage wasn't all too bad. It definitely without a single doubt in mind had its good days.

Opening up a blog and reading about food, it makes me feel nostalgic with this cage of mine.

It reminds me of happier times, fun times, times of less sadness and times of love.

It's unfortunate that the cage unhinged in such a way, I hope it can be repaired in due time therefore, only time will tell.

Will the cage rust? Will it remain shiny and clean? Will it grow moss and mold or will its doors one days again be mended and free to open and close under understood terms?

The circumstance will change but what transpired within that cage will forever be embedded in memory.

The birds in that cage were once one and now two. But that doesn't stop one from missing the other or pondering on the thought of how and or what the other might be doing at this very moment.

Birds.

They are beautiful and majestic creatures, they are.

If only migration didn't just occur over a season or when disaster stroke.

Maybe these birds could've been.


...
..
.

But in the end, as the chapter closes with a blank page waiting to be filled when the time is right, maybe both birds can live together again, in the same space, at the same time, in the same sphere we know to be called the universe.

Birds of different colors, friendship, the color yellow.

Oh how the windchimes sprout a melody with the spontaneous but welcomed breeze.

Fragmented Thoughts

I find myself lost. More often than not, I dislike this feeling. Today, for the very first time listening to music didn't do me justice. Normally, music evokes a certain sensation, one that is able to encompass all negativity and sadness and replace it with positivity and happy vibes. This was not the case.

So often we overlook what is right in front of us, what we have and somehow it is never enough. I hate knowing the verse "You never know what you've got till it's gone". Fact is, you will never appreciate what you have till it's gone and that's the problem isn't it?

We are in a comfortable zone in our lives. Always having food to eat, clothes to wear, money to spend, things to buy but we somehow always just feel unsatisfied. This quite worries me because I feel like I am part of that statistic. I don't want to be but I am voluntarily allowing myself to be ignorant. Ignorance is not bliss. The phrase is exactly what is is, just a phrase. It is not words put into action.

It's strange how sometimes I feel like I'm the one giving up on myself. Like I don't strive for more but really, I think I'm pretty remarkable. This is not to boast but I can't say I'm completely dissatisfied with myself. Sure I haven't done certain things but these things aren't necessary; or are they?

Usually I am torn yet I am not. It's as if my mind is unable to figure out if I need a certain experience or if I don't. I over think all the time, spend more time thinking than doing something and sometimes talking more than doing or doing without thinking which inevitably leads to disastrous consequences.

I feel like I'm ranting now. Actually I am. See, takes a while to figure what I want. Usually I'd decide on the very last minute even if I planned whatever it was forever ago. I wonder if there's a particular place in the world for fickled minded people like me or perhaps everyone is like this but extremely good at covering it up. Research Question anyone?

Feeling asinine about throwing a fit or crying then later realizing it was perfectly normal and necessary. It's like I don't know if I'm tricking myself into thinking it's acceptable or not. Though, really acceptability should rest solely on shoulders of ones own rather than what society deems adequate, no?

Life startles me. It presents me with an opportunity but then I realize (soon) that this opportunity comes with a price. Life then presents me with a more captivating opportunity to which I seize of course with my better half (boyfriend) in mind as well. Although one can't help but wonder if life is trying to tear us apart or build a stronger relationship. I would like to think it is the latter but sometimes the world just seems to shift is opposite directions and I'm left pondering the horrible thought of separation.

It's frustrating. When you know and want someone so badly but life makes you wait. You wait, yes. Wait wait wait, wait longer, keep waiting, waiting to find out what's at the end of the line. If it's a knot and we're both hanging from it, holding on for dear life, the two of us or... I don't want to think about an or. I would like to say anywhere is better as long as I'm with you but really I need to know more about how we would be together to say those words with conviction and confidence. Boasting to life, HAH, look, we made it. Despite all your efforts, we did it. We're together, stronger than ever.

This has turned into something else. Strange post.

Diverging back, do you ever wonder what life would be if you lived in a parallel universe? What different choices you might have made that lead to alternative lives. If say you didn't stop binge eating, you worked harder and all that, how would you be now?

At times I really just wish there was a God that could be seen and not just based on hope and faith. I just want so badly to surrender my all and give Him my worries, fears and all that unhappiness in exchange for a bright sunny day, a nice and dry park, maybe some apples, a bottle of Moscato, my family and boyfriend, some music and good food. A perfect day to think about nothing and just to enjoy life.

The irony and beauty of what life could be in the future. How I wish upon the stars.